It’s the New Year, and Sarah is staring at her fresh list of resolutions. “No sugar, no carbs, no skipping workouts,” she writes with determination. She envisions a new version of herself—healthier, stronger, happier. But by mid-January, the cookies at the office party look better than ever, the gym feels like a punishment, and she’s already thinking, Why do I always fail at this?
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many of us approach our goals the same way Sarah does: with a list of restrictions, a focus on everything we can’t do, and a belief that this time, sheer willpower will carry us through.
But what if the problem isn’t you? What if the problem is the way you’re thinking about your goals?
The Shift: Why Restrictions Don’t Work
Here’s the thing: when you focus on what you can’t do, you start to see all the good changes as burdens. Suddenly, eating a healthy salad feels like punishment, and skipping dessert feels like missing out on the joy of life. Meanwhile, the very things you’re trying to avoid—like that late-night fast food—start to seem more tempting than ever.
Why?
Because we’re wired to crave freedom. When we impose restrictions on ourselves, our brain rebels. It’s why diets fail, why workout plans collect dust, and why change feels so impossible.
But there’s a better way.
The Solution: Focus on What You Can Do
Imagine instead that Sarah starts small. Instead of declaring war on sugar, she decides to add one positive change: she’ll drink a glass of water before every meal. She doesn’t give up dessert; she just adds the water.
Within a few days, she notices she feels fuller sooner. She eats a bit less without even trying. Then she adds another change: a 10-minute walk after dinner. It’s not a big overhaul, but it feels good. And suddenly, she’s not focusing on everything she’s giving up. She’s focusing on what she’s adding.
Small changes build momentum. Each one makes the next one easier. And because Sarah is focusing on what she can do—not what she can’t—her mindset shifts from punishment to empowerment.
The Lesson: You Are a Byproduct of Your Choices
How you look and feel today is the result of past decisions. But here’s the powerful truth: you have the power to make new decisions starting now. The choices you make today can reshape your tomorrow.
Instead of being trapped by the weight of past mistakes, recognize them as lessons.
If your past choices made you feel stuck, your new choices can set you free. You don’t need a complete overhaul—you just need to start.
The Challenge: One Positive Change Today
So, what can you do today? Not what you can’t do—what you can.
- Maybe it’s drinking a glass of water before your meals.
- Maybe it’s taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
- Maybe it’s preparing a healthy meal you actually enjoy.
The key is to make it something positive, something that feels doable, and something that reminds you that change isn’t about punishment—it’s about progress.
Sarah’s Breakthrough
By the end of the year, Sarah’s life looks different. She didn’t stick to her original list of restrictive resolutions. Instead, she started small. She discovered she loved weightlifting and began strength training twice a week.
She learned how to make healthy versions of her favorite comfort foods. She didn’t cut out sugar completely, but she no longer craved it like she used to.
Her transformation didn’t come from saying “no” to everything she loved. It came from saying “yes” to new things that made her feel good.
Your Turn
What will you say “yes” to today? Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t come from beating yourself up. It comes from adding good things into your life and building on them, one choice at a time.
I challenge you to try something new today. Start with one small change. Focus on what you can do, and let that be your first step toward the person you want to become.
Your future self will thank you.